The Principal's Office
by uselessfork
Summary: Naruto has an interesting visit to the principal's office, and discovers the new kid and his (distractingly attractive) older brother. In which Sasuke is angry, Itachi tries to persuade him to make friends, and Naruto thinks the whole ordeal is pretty funny. Unsurprisingly, this does not make Sasuke less angry. Fairly cracky, with pairing hints. Rating is for occasional language.


Naruto had been sent to the principal's office enough times in his life that it really didn't phase him anymore. He was on a first name basis with the receptionist, Shizune, and he had a favourite chair in the waiting room - the middle one in the row of three. Sure, it wasn't the most comfortable chair ever, but he liked to keep a sense of consistency about him before getting his head bitten off. Plus, it gave the best view out of the waiting room's only window, through which he could see various students crossing the campus with the same expressions of abject misery that every other student in the school seemed to wear.

It was this favourite chair that he was lounging in now as he waited to be admitted to the principal's office. He and Shizune had already exchanged pleasantries, which left little to do until Tsunade-sensei ("that's Senju-sensei to you, brat") called him in to yell at him again.

That is, there would have been nothing to do if not for the fact that at that moment, the tiny bell above the waiting room door jingled, signalling the entry of two of the most improbably handsome people Naruto had ever seen.

They were clearly related, both tall, with dark hair and eyes, and an attractive sharpness to their features which Naruto had never found in his own. If he'd had to guess based on age, Naruto would have said that they were brothers - if not for the protective closeness which they were maintaining. That was just disconcerting.

The younger one seemed to think so, too, because he shot an annoyed glance at the man who must have been his brother, and muttered something about "I can feel your body heat from here, you know".

The older man returned his glare with a look of total calm and made his way to the front desk in graceful strides. Naruto tried not to stare at his lean frame from behind, or the black hair which cascaded to the man's mid back, held off his face in a loose ponytail. He couldn't see the man's face from here, but the older man must have like, blinked, or something, because suddenly Shizune was beaming and introducing herself with an enthusiasm she had never awarded Naruto in their many hours of sitting in the waiting room together over the years.

"I am glad to meet you." the older man replied to the receptionist. "I am Uchiha Itachi, and this is my younger brother, Sasuke. It is his first day here today."

"Oh! Of course, we knew Sasuke was coming in today." Shizune giggled.

_Giggled._

Naruto looked to the younger kid - Sasuke - with wide eyes. If the look of pained exasperation on Sasuke's face was anything to go by, this was a natural occurrence around Itachi. Well. It was fucking weird, was what it was.

"I'll let Tsuna- um, Senju-sensei know you're here. Feel free to take a seat." Shizune beamed once more at Itachi, who nodded politely, already turning away from the desk as Shizune bustled off to find the principal. Naruto rather crudely thought that Shizune probably wouldn't have minded Itachi taking a seat beneath her, but he managed not to vocalise it. A quick glance at the other kid's face confirmed that Sasuke was clearly thinking it, too.

Naruto's thoughts were halted when Itachi approached him, offering him a pleasant smile. He tried not to stare. Suddenly, he understood what Shizune's deal was.

"Hello." Itachi introduced himself politely. "Would you mind if we sat here?"

"Uh," Naruto replied articulately. "I mean, yeah. Wait, no. No, I don't mind."

Itachi seemed completely unperturbed by Naruto's convoluted reply, and took the seat to his left with a soft word of thanks. The older man's movements were so efficiently graceful that Naruto wondered briefly if he was imagining him entirely.

"Sasuke?" Itachi raised a brow at his younger brother, who was still standing just inside the door. "It is polite to take a seat in someone else's office."

Sasuke looked pointedly at the seat Naruto was currently occupying, somehow managing to do so without actually making eye contact with the blonde.

"Oh." Naruto scooted quickly out of the seat and into the one on the far right. A part of him was offended by the younger kid's clear disdain, but Itachi seemed so polite that he really was willing to give up his seat out of respect for the older brother. And that was saying a lot.

Itachi sent him another, slightly friendlier smile, but Sasuke only scowled in response. With a jolt of understanding, Naruto realised that he'd probably been using the occupied chair as an excuse not to do as his brother said. He suppressed a snicker.

"Thank you...?" Itachi looked to Naruto as if waiting for him to finish the sentence.

"Oh! I'm Naruto." Naruto grinned.

"I still don't see why you have to be here for this." Sasuke interrupted, glowering at Itachi as he took the seat in between them. "This might surprise you, but I've actually progressed past being eight years old."

"Yes." Itachi agreed calmly. "I do recall. But according to Inoichi, your social skills are lower than that of an eight year old, so I have to be here to encourage you to make a friend."

Sasuke looked as if he was genuinely considering murder. Naruto tried not to laugh, which resulted in a sort of strangled cough as he focussed his eyes on his own shoes.

"A _what._" Sasuke's tone implied that this wasn't, in fact, a question.

"A friend." Itachi repeated patiently. "Inoichi believes you would benefit from platonic interaction with a person of your own age."

"No." emphasised Sasuke acidly. "I won't, and _you can't make me_."

For a moment, Itachi's face bore the expression of someone who had suffered for a very long time.

"Or romantic interaction." he added as if it were an afterthought. Naruto expected it wasn't an afterthought, and that Sasuke didn't think so either.

"You can stop talking now." the younger brother informed his elder with a groan.

Their argument was interrupted at that moment by Shizune, who reentered the waiting room with another smile aimed at the older man.

"Senju-sensei will be out to see you shortly." she informed him cheerfully. She turned to Naruto with a less impressed gaze. Naruto was mildly offended.

"She also said to tell you that you'll have to wait for your lecture till after." Shizune added. "She said you've probably heard it enough times by now that you can just imagine it to the same effect."

Naruto smirked as Shizune returned to her seat behind the desk. He liked Tsunade-sensei, really, even if she was entirely terrifying half the time.

Because he was distracted, he missed the first part of Itachi's murmur to Sasuke. He tuned back in to:

"What about Naruto? He seems friendly, which is befitting of a friend."

"He's here because he's in trouble." Sasuke pointed out in disbelief. He didn't bother to murmur. "You're seriously suggesting I make friends with the first person you see in the principal's office who's clearly got some kind of behaviour issue?"

Itachi looked pained.

"Please try to use some manners." he replied softly, as if Naruto wouldn't be able to hear. "I just think that he seems to be a nice boy you can get along well with. You definitely need to make some friends. I thought he would meet your... tastes. Don't you like blondes?"

Naruto hadn't actually thought it was possible for someone's face to go such a deep shade of red until that moment. And there was absolutely _no way_ that Itachi was embarrassing the kid by accident. There was just no way. Apparently someone was in denial, though, because Sasuke's response was a little more vehement than was really necessary.

"I am _not. Gay."_ Sasuke hissed venomously.

Itachi nodded serenely, and patted Sasuke on the hand.

"Neither am I." he replied, and if possible, Sasuke looked even more uncomfortable. Naruto could finally detect a glint of amusement in Itachi's eyes. So he _was_ doing this on purpose.

To be honest, Naruto kind of had to admire the complexities of Itachi's subtle mindfuckery. The guy had to be a genius. And possibly gay. Naruto still couldn't tell if that part was true.

Unfortunately, Naruto didn't have much more time to try to figure that one out, because Tsunade-sensei chose that moment to enter the waiting room.

"Uchiha Sasuke and Itachi?" she asked unnecessarily. Sasuke leapt out of his chair, clearly desperate to leave the room as soon as possible.

"I can go in alone." he warned Itachi in a tone that sounded more like 'leave me the fuck alone' than anything else.

"If you'd prefer." Itachi shrugged easily, agreeing with him for the first time since they'd entered the office. Sasuke made a sound like a strangled cat. Tsunade just looked confused.

Naruto couldn't hold it back anymore, and erupted into amused snickers.

The door of Tsunade-sensei's office closed behind Sasuke with a pointed slam.

"That was a thing of beauty." Naruto informed Itachi with a grin. "I'm going to become friends with him just so I can keep that up."

Itachi actually looked rather amused at that prospect.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." he smirked, one brow raised. "Though I agree it would be nice for Sasuke to have a friend. As you might imagine, it's... difficult to befriend him."

"Nah," Naruto replied confidently, leaning his head back against his hands. "It won't be any trouble."

"Excuse me for a moment." murmured the Uchiha. Naruto looked up in surprise as Itachi rose to his feet and crossed to Shizune's desk.

"Do you have a pen and paper?" he asked, voice smooth and polite. Shizune blinked, then nodded emphatically.

"Of course, here you go." she smiled as she handed them over. She seemed to have regained her composure since getting flustered earlier. It was probably the gay comment, Naruto realised. That had been a bit of a giveaway.

"Thank you." Itachi replied. His manners really were impeccable, Naruto thought. The man returned to his seat, where he balanced the paper on his knee to write.

"Here." Itachi handed the paper to Naruto with another, warmer smile. "In case you need help in befriending my little brother."

Belatedly, Naruto realised the man had written a phone number in neat, careful script. He felt the hint of a blush rise to his cheeks.

"Although you can call if you don't have trouble, as well."

More heat spread across Naruto's cheeks. A smile pulled at his lips of its own accord.

"Yeah." Naruto grinned again. He really was feeling particularly articulate that day. "Yeah, I'd like to call you. I mean. Yeah."

"Good."

The office door opened again, and Sasuke and Tsunade-sensei paced back into the office.

Sasuke took one look at Naruto and Itachi and stalked out of the waiting room completely in exasperation.

"Good luck." Itachi smirked. "Perhaps I'll hear from you soon."

"Yeah." Naruto murmured happily, a little dazed. "Uh, bye, Itachi."

The older Uchiha thanked the principal, and left with the same graceful lope as when he'd come in. Naruto was distracted enough that he didn't hear Tsunade-sensei the first time she called his name.

"Oi! Naruto! Don't think I've forgotten about you, buddy." Tsunade snapped, rolling her eyes. "And I'm adding whatever you did to annoy the new kid to this lecture. Get in here."

"Great." Naruto beamed at the lady, who looked visibly alarmed. "Sounds great." And he all but skipped into the Principal's office.


End file.
